EXT. SUNNYDALE STREET - DAY

TARA and ANYA are walking along the street.


TARA
Willow's good at all that computer
stuff, but me, not so much. You
really understand all that?


ANYA
Oh, at first it was confusing.
Just the idea of computers was
like -- whoa -- I'm eleven hundred
years old here -- I had trouble
adjusting to the idea of Lutherans.


TARA
I go on-line sometimes, but
everyone has really bad spelling.
It's depressing.


ANYA
Oh, but you have to try on-line
trading. It's great. The secret
is avoiding the tech companies
everyone was jumping on, and
going with the smaller firms that
supply them with the basic components...

Tara stifles a yawn.


TARA
Uh-huh.


ANYA
Anyway, I took my money, from
working for Giles, and I tripled it.


TARA
Tripled? Like first money, then
money money money?


ANYA
Yes. I'm thinking about buying
something very expensive. Maybe
an antelope.

They're interrupted by April, who cheerfully blocks their way.


APRIL
Hi!

Tara and Anya share a puzzled look -- they don't know this girl.


ANYA
Hi?


APRIL
I'm looking for Warren. Do you
know where Warren is? And if
you do, could you tell me?


TARA
Um... I don't think we know a Warren.

Anya shakes her head, confirming it.


APRIL
All righty! No harm in asking!
Thanks!

She turns away, and stops a nearby MAN.


APRIL
Hi! Do you know Warren? I need
to find him.

Tara and Anya hesitate for a second. As they move on:


TARA
You can do this stuff with a
regular computer?


ANYA
I'll show you! Also, you can see
the web site I designed for the
magic shop. Huge photo of me...

---

INT. COMMONS - NIGHT

Later that night -- the party has begun. Lots of college kids and music and beer. The place is decorated with a beachy Spring Break theme -- sand and beach umbrellas and tiki torches -- many of the guests in Hawaiian shirts.

BUFFY AND XANDER

Dance together.


ANYA AND WILLOW AND TARA

Hold plastic cups and watch Buffy and Xander dance.


ANYA
I let them do that. Dance
together. That was me.


TARA
Very nice of you.


WILLOW
A good deed.


ANYA
Yes. I'm expecting a big karmic
reward any second now.


AT THE SNACK TABLE

Anya takes a handful of Chex mix. She, Xander, WARREN and other party guests, many of them male, are crowded around a snack table. Warren is 20-ish, a little nerdy and awkward.


ANYA
(re: Chex Mix)
Look at these tiny grain patties --
they're woven! That's craftsmanship.

She stuffs a huge handful into her mouth.


XANDER
They aren't hand-woven, you know.


ANYA
(mouth full)
Then how?


XANDER
Well, it's, um, a machine, and
it... it sort of... it presses...

APRIL

Walks into the party -- she's visible from the snack table. Every male head turns. There are general murmurs of appreciation: "Whoa," "Check out the new talent"...


XANDER
(distracted by April)
...there may be a mold of some
sort... who's that?

The guys around Xander are also staring. Warren's the only one who flinches. He ducks back into the crowd, disappears.


ANYA
Oh, that girl. Tara and I met
her. She speaks with a strange
evenness and selects her words
a shade too precisely.

Xander looks fondly at Anya.


XANDER
Some of us like that kind of thing
in a girl.

Anya gets that he's talking about her, and smiles at him.

Aprils looks around her attentively.


APRIL
Warren?


Willow comes over to Xander and Anya. Xander is still looking across the room at April.


WILLOW
Hi. I thought you were getting
crunchies.


ANYA
Xander got hypnotized by the
strange girl. I am remaining
calm, however.


XANDER
Huh? No. I'm right with you.
Don't know what you're talking about.
(nervous)
Here she comes.

April comes over to them.


APRIL
I heard that Warren was here.
Is Warren here?


XANDER
Um... Warren who?


APRIL
He's Warren and he's looking for
me. He lost me.

April moves to the next group of guests.


APRIL
Is Warren here?

Tara joins Xander, Anya and Willow.


TARA
It's that girl again.
(to Anya)
She's still looking for "Warren"?
Weird. It's been, like, all day.


WILLOW
There's something strange about
her. She talks funny.


ANYA
Some men find that appealing.


TARA
I just hope she finds him.


XANDER
Somehow I don't think a girl who
looks like that is gonna be lonely
for too long.

<next line from the transcript because it's more fun than the original> 

WILLOW
Definitely not.
 (Tara gives her a look, arms folded.) 
Oh, not me. I was just saying a pretty 
girl like that, there's always someone
 lurking around looking for some action.

---

INT. ROOM NEAR COMMONS - LATER (NIGHT)

Buffy, Xander, Willow, Anya and Tara have moved to a quiet room off the Commons to discuss what just happened. Buffy is flexing her bruised arm.


BUFFY
Ow. I don't know about you guys,
but I've had it with super-strong
little women who aren't me.


TARA
At least she didn't do too much damage.


XANDER
Are you kidding? Double-glazed
glass is not cheap. Also, the jamb
has to be completely rebuilt--
Oh dear god, I'm the grown-up
who sees the world through my job.
I'm my Uncle Dave the plumber
and I must be shunned.


WILLOW
Okay.


BUFFY
So, what the deal with the girl?
I mean, what is she? 'Cuz this
may sound nuts, but I had this
real strong impression she was a...


TARA
Robot.



ANYA
She's a robot. 
XANDER
Oh yeah, robot. 



WILLOW
Robot.


BUFFY
I was gonna say robot. Okay,
so what does she want?


TARA
Warren. Whoever that is.


XANDER
Gotta be the guy that built her.


WILLOW
Kind of an unusual name. There's
hardly any except Warren Beatty
and, you know, President Harding.
(beat)
It's probably not either of them.


XANDER
Sounds like a nerd to me.


ANYA
Hey, President Harding was quite
the package when he was young.
He had these amazing gray eyes--


BUFFY
Willow, can you track this guy
down with just a first name?


WILLOW
Sure, given enough time. I can
get a list of Sunnydale students
named Warren tonight, but then
we'd need to call 'em, or go to
their dorms... we probably can't
really start narrowing it down
'til tomorrow.


ANYA
She could do some damage then.


XANDER
To who? Spike? See me vigorously
not caring. Also, she was looking for
this Warren, but it didn't sound like
she wanted to hurt him. She said he's
her boyfriend.


WILLOW
I agree. I'm not sure this is a code
red, guys. Is there a code pink?
We need more codes.


BUFFY
Fine. We find Warren tomorrow.
Tonight I better go rescue Giles.
He's watching Dawn while Mom's
on her date, and I get the feeling
there's only so much he can take.


TARA
Oh, Giles and Dawny? I bet they
ended up having a blast.


GILES (V.O.)
Dear God, Buffy, there's only so
much I can take.

---

INT. MAGIC BOX - DAY (DAY 3)

The next morning. Buffy, Xander, Willow, Tara, Anya and Giles are gathered around the table. A few CUSTOMERS browse at the other end of the store. Willow types on her lap-top.


GILES
And you're certain she was a robot?


BUFFY
Absolutely.


TARA
She practically had "Genuine
Molded Plastic" stamped on her ass.
(off their looks)
Just tryin' a little spicy-talk.


ANYA
She was looking for someone
named Warren.


BUFFY
Willow already checked the
Sunnydale enrollment.


WILLOW
And got nothin'. I found one
Warren but he moved out of the
country a year ago... I'm trying
nearby schools...


XANDER
Whoever he is, he knows his stuff.
That girl was... well... that was a
nice looking girl.


ANYA
(to Buffy)
It's okay for him to say that
because I know that he really
loves me only.

Xander takes Anya's hand. Buffy notices the nice moment, not jealously, but a little wistfully.


GILES
Perhaps there's something the rest
of us should be doing...


XANDER
What can we do?


TARA
Do you have any books on robots?


GILES
Oh, yes -- dozens. There's a lot
of research to be done in order to--
no, I'm lying. Haven't got squat --
I just like watching Xander squirm.


XANDER
Funny. Charming and funny.


BUFFY
Hey, the no-research angle likes
me just fine. But I'm still gonna
have to --


WILLOW
Hey! I think I found him!
Warren Mears. He was at Sunnydale
High with us for a semester, then he
went to the Tech College over in Dutton.
I've got a local address where his
folks still live.


TARA
He's probably home for Spring Break.


BUFFY
I'll go talk to him.

Buffy stands up.


GILES
Wait. We don't know what you're
walking into. I'd like to have a
notion of what purpose the robot
serves. What was he setting out
to accomplish?


TARA
Um... Don't you think she's just...


WILLOW
Yeah... sort of just a...


XANDER
She's a sex bot. I mean, what guy
doesn't dream about that? Beautiful
girl with no other thought but to
please you, willing to do anything...

He looks around the table at all the women... Anya, Tara, Willow, Buffy... all wearing looks ranging between disgust and more disgust.


XANDER
Too many girls. I miss Oz. He'd
get it. He wouldn't say anything,
but he'd get it.


ANYA
Why would anyone do that if they
could have a real live person?


WILLOW
Maybe he couldn't. Find a real person.


BUFFY
Oh, come on! The guy's a big
wedge of sleaze! Don't make
excuses for him.


WILLOW
I'm not. I'm just saying...
people get lonely. And having
someone around, even someone you
made up, well, maybe it's a little easier.


TARA
But it's so weird. I mean,
everyone wants a nice, normal
person to, you know, share with.
If this guy, if he couldn't find
that... I guess it's kind of sad.

Buffy registers that.

---

INT. MAGIC BOX - DAY

Tara, Willow and Xander are heading toward the front door. Giles and Anya are nearby, stocking some shelves. Dawn is there now, wearing her backpack, and she trails after Tara, Willow and Xander...


DAWN
A robot? Really? Is it Ted?
'Cuz I always said there could've
been more than one of him.


WILLOW
Nope. Whole new robot.
This one's a girl.

Xander opens the front door for everyone to exit, and stands holding it open as he turns back to say...


XANDER
(to Dawn)
Buffy's busy tracking down the guy
that made her, so I'll drop you off
at school and if she's not finished --


SPIKE (O.S.)
Comin' through! Comin' through!

Spike runs into the store, under a severely smoldering blanket. Everyone backs away very quickly. Spike throws the blanket off violently just as it BURSTS INTO FLAMES.


SPIKE
Fire! Fire!

Spike stomps out the fire. Then he pulls himself together and looks around casually as if he'd just strolled in.


SPIKE
Hallo all. What's going on, then?


GILES
You're not welcome here, Spike.


WILLOW
Yeah, and by the way, we're working
on a way to de-invite you from here,
too, even if it is a public place.


XANDER
Nah, forget that. Letting him in
is good, 'cuz then we get to toss
him out.


ANYA
Oh! Can we throw him through the
window like the robot did? 'Cuz
that was neat.


SPIKE
Robot. That what she was? Knew
that wasn't right. I've still got a
limp, look--

Spike starts to demonstrate his limp, then notices Dawn.


SPIKE
Hey, someone who's glad to see me.
Aren't you, Little Bit?

Dawn can't even bring herself to look at him.


DAWN
(clenched teeth)
Get away from me.

Tara steps forward to protect Dawn.


TARA
I think you better go.

 

---